Monday, May 19, 2014

Grumpy and Hating It

That was last Monday. I didn't get a chance to finish my thoughts last week. I spent it trying not to be petty and get over being grumpy but as of today nothing has helped. Yesterday I did get Izzy's winter clothes sorted and put in a vacuum bag. If I get a chance, Ben's will be tonight. I've been sleeping a lot or wanting to sleep a lot. Not really sure what is up with that. I've been exhausted too, like I'm not sleeping well or perhaps I'm getting too much sleep. Who can say?

That box of toys for not my house? Izzy found the box and insisted on playing with every little thing she could find. The Toys R Us 'radio' thing I threw it across the room after she got mad at Ben playing with it. I couldn't take the song anymore. "I don't want to grow up" - I don't either but you don't get a choice.

I've been grumpy and irritable this past week. It pretty much all stems from Mother's Day - or lack there of. How do you get over trying not to be petty? I mean, it really doesn't matter but it still is a thorn in my side. UGH. I need to go work out for an hour or something where I zone out and don't think about anything. But that didn't help last week so I don't have hopes for it this week. Maybe I'll go swimming tomorrow and wear myself out. That sounds like a plan. 15mins of trying to do laps just sounds like heaven right now.

I had high hopes for this weekend but now I'm concerned. We were going camping with my parents, aunt and uncle, and others. That is still happening, but my dad screwed up the dates and now we do not have our own campsite. So we're tent camping, with a 1 year old. The up side is my tent is still in good shape. And our little tent is perfect for us to play in this summer in the back yard. The down side is that we're tent camping with a 1 year old. So if he screams, he wakes up the whole camp site/ground. Hopefully it will be a good time. I need a break.

Room Cleaning

Yesterday was Mother's Day. As a mother of two, you would assume I did something special. You'd be wrong.

I finally had enough of the mountain of laundry and folded it. I tried to organize the winter clothes and summer clothes so I can put things away but ran out of storage bags so that did not go too well. The kids clothes are folded - just sitting in their rooms in the laundry baskets. The plan was to go through their drawers and pull out the winter/too small clothes and do something with them. But that was put on hold.

Instead we (I guess I should say I) cleaned their room. I organized the books, the diapers, the shoes, the toys, went through the toy box and pulled out all the My Little Pony's and castle pieces and put them in different boxes. Pulled out books for Ben to 'read' and chew, organized the toy shelf and put the stuffed animals in the basket.

I am fully aware that this will not last long. Kid organization never does, but I did get a box of toys to 'donate' to "Somewhere not my house." I hate to say it, but they are kids meals toys that are just junk. I personally love getting kids meals from KFC because they do not have a toy. The bucket is the toy and it comes with stickers. (Not to mention the meal of actual chicken, mashed potatoes, and applesauce.) No pointless plastic movie related crap or blinking shoe. We actually have two blinking shoes, what the heck is that from? Yes, flashing lights plastic shoe key chain like things are so much fun!

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

I am a terrible writer.

As with most families, when the baby comes life gets busy. Imagine a 4 yr old, a mobile infant, husband on 2nd shift (3 pm-11 pm, or as I like to call it - normal time for kids to go crazy), a full time job, holidays, and a graduate level accounting class and you might have an idea of what my life has been like recently. Basically the typical life of a family of four.

We've had our terrible parent moments. Ben fell off my bed, Izzy actually can't hear us because we discovered she has an ear infection, not selective hearing (I still believe it's that too), the laundry hasn't been folded in over a week, dinners have consisted of fruit, cottage cheese, and noodles, and the list of "I keep meaning to" grows daily. I keep meaning to hang the hooks for the kids towels. I keep meaning to take that box of clothes to goodwill. I keep meaning to plant those seeds. I keep meaning to send pictures of Ben to my grandfather in Georgia - I still have the envelope ready just needs stamps! Of course, that was nearly a year ago now.

We've had our terrible adult moments too. Our anniversary came and went with no fanfare (which really is ok). The same with Valentine's Day. And I know I missed several birthdays and other important events because I just didn't think about it until it was too late. The oil in my van needs to be changed - roughly 1000 miles ago. Don't get mad at me! You think about how fun it would be with a 4 yr old and a mobile infant in a garage waiting room for at least 30 mins if not longer?!?! And don't forget it's dinner time for them too.

I've had my ups and downs. Tried for a different position, got turned down. My husband has tried for a couple of different positions - been turned down. Thought we found a good affordable house - it was a disaster inside. Deciding to stop pumping/breast feeding has been tougher for me with Ben than it was for Izzy - and more painful. Not doing as well as I expected in my graduate class has thrown me for a loop and made me question why I'm doing this. I've lost all my baby weight, and now some of my pre-baby weight too. Since I'm stopping pumping I'm going to pick up working out to keep my daily burned calories roughly the same.

But through all of this - my favorite times during the day are when I get to snuggle with my babies on my chair, hug them in the shower, run my hands through their hair when they are asleep. Seeing Ben's face light up when he sees me, hearing Izzy run through the house to get to the kitchen door because I'm home.

I may be a terrible adult. Bills may not get paid on time, maintenance schedules may be forgotten, things might take months to get done. But to my two kids - I'm one hell of a mom.